I miss you. is that a sin?

"Yes. I miss you. More than what can I show. More than what you can understand."

some people told me already, that missing is part of loving. and, you wouldn't know how much you love it until you miss it. yes, they're right.

Missing someone, it's a pain. and it's also a joy. so I might say that Missing someone is 'Joyful Pain' something that you should really try, I guess.

Why do I write this? because I'm falling in love deeply with someone, and I miss him. I REALLY REALLY REALLY MISS HIM! yeah, of course we still can see each other often because we're going to the same school. but, so many things feel different. I've changed. He's changed. everything changed. me. him. us. atmosphere. environment. dollars. everything... between me and him. us and universe. That's why I miss him.

some people keep saying that they're miss 'The Old'. Old memories. Old things. Old couple. everything what's done already. or what's already done in the past. it happens because a lot of things changed already.

but I'm not. yes, I do miss him. but I would never miss the old. it's done already and I didn't regret it! why should I miss those old memories if I can still make the new one? all that I miss is the chance to make those new memories. because I haven't get the chance yet. until now.

I never miss the old things because I know I would never lost it. I saved it already in the perfect place. so I have nothing to worry.

hey, you. I just wanted to tell you, that... I might be busy. we might be busy. we might see each other often, but... don't you think it'll be great if we can go out together, watching some movies, eat crepes, going through the rain, then laugh together? I just wanted to know if we still love each other☺

I. LOVE. YOU.

what a...

arghhhhhh!!!

I can't find other words as opening. that's the best one, I guess. I LOST ALL OF MY STORY! I can't find the password to get in to my section. I'm pretty sure the password that I use is correct. But I still can't get in. what a... (yeah, I'll let you finish it)

I don't know whos to blame, it's just so wrong.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

oh baby say goodbye~

hey longtime no see and when we meet I'm just gon tell u bout... sad story. ohyeah I'm such a lame, and coward (ah, see?I even use coward this time!waow:D), and pathetic... ah however I am not that mean girl. well I see there's no connection among those things. well, I just can't think clearly. I just... broke up.

...........................
..............................
..................................

I'm not the one who said, "we're done" this time it was him. yeah, no kidding. he's the one who... said it. yeah unbelievable. for me too. my bestie too. as we know tonight is saturday night, and I broke up in saturday night. Megash! what could be more pathetic?

I guess I just can't move on, well actually not yet. I haven't find anyone as good as him or atleast, can replace him. I don't even know if someone can replace him... I don't even sure, actually.

I went to my girlfrnds home tonight. she called me crying and that was totally got me panic so I'd run to her house (well actually I was riding a motorcycle err....) when I came up she's still crying. I can't cry! she's crying and me either?it wouldn't make things getting any better right?so I listen to her and some things surprised me. I'm glad I came.

when she's completely done with her story, I'd started mine. I still can't cry. then my phone rang... that was my brother.

Abang: Lu?
Me: yeah?
Abang: you... broke up?
Me: hiks... *start crying*
Abang: Lu, please, don't cry!
Me: then why you call me?!
Abang: well, it's up to me, right?
Me: sok kaya!
Abang: hahaha biarin pulsa gua ini. just... stop crying!
Me: why u call me?you just upset me ya know!?
Abang: Lah?
Me: I cried because of your voice!
Abang: Hah? well, I'll go get some dinner. I'll text you later.
Me: WHATEVER! *klik*

well we watched some videos and made plan for tomorrow so I don't have to stay home and crying... then I go home. Thanks God, I'm still fine till this second. I almost hit 2 trees 1 car and 1 tower. I am pathetic.

I guess I can move on soon.... or maybe no. I'm just gon... waiting for someone who really loves me:)

gnight!

pamsq addict

ehm. with Basmallah, this short story, begin...

pada suatu siang yg cerah (sumpah men, maksud gua panas. panas bgt soalnya gaboong) beberapa hari yg lalu tapi gua lupa kapan. Gua sm Nasu sm Gustie decided buat ke Pondok Indah. tadinya Gustie sm Mei mau jemput dirumah tapi gajadi akhirnya gua dijemput Nasu. karena bosen nunggu akhirnya gua nyusulin Nasu pake sepeda merah gua (kata anak gaul namanya fixie coy) gua nyusulin Nasu ke witana dan....

skipskipskip...

dalam kurun waktu kurang dari satu atau setengah jam gua udah duduk petakilan di motor sm Nasu mau nyamperin Gustie yg ngabacotnya sih mau nyamper kerumah tapi gak dateng-dateng dan ujugujugnya gua yang nyamperin dia untungnya ke viladago bukannya ke pml2.

skipskipskip...

gak berapa lama kita sampe depan viladago dan jrengjreng!!! buset jalanan udah kayak kuburan kalo yg meninggal LadyGaga apa Katty Perry grgr keserempet jet men, rame bgtbgt! cuma bedanya ini rusuh dan penuh suara klakson kesana-kemari. gua yg emg dasar bocah idiot teriak dan tepuk tangan dibelakang Nasu. "Aaanjiiirrr rame banget aaaa! kita gmn kesananya? ada kecelakaan ya, ya, ya???" sumpah jawabannya gua tau banget; dibilang bego/goblok sama Nasu-_-

akhirnya gua muter balik lewat jalan tikus biar nggak kena macet.

skipskipskip...

gua udah kembali ke jalan raya yg ternyata TETEUP MACET. dan gua yg EMANG TOLOL msh berprasangka kalo itutuh kecelakaan dan Bayu yang notabene bego cuma sok PINTER tereak: "Oh iya! gua inget! ada SM*SH!"

gua ngejerit. seolah-olah buat gua ada kecelakaan sm ada SM*SH di pamsq itu sm aja. and u know what, men? it's true... gua gaktahan buat ngelirikin satusatu orgorg yg lewat dan mau nggak mau konsekuensinya adalah... diliatin balik. jadi gua nunduk sepanjang jalan macet arah pamsq...

skipskipskip....

OH IYA! BAYU BEGO BGT! masa GULP GUA DICAMPUR SAMA ROOTBEER! ARGGHHHHH!!!

skipskipskip....

gua pulang sampe Pamulang trnyt msh macet. dan gua mau dicolek orang. dan gua nggak tau kenapa gua nulis ini. jadi... bye! :p

please show up urself!

Hell-O BLOGGY!!! I'm not in a good mood, yaaah mungkin ada yang bakal bilang, "Lu, kapan sih lo in a good mood?" well, beliin gue BaskinRobbins coklat seember. nah,  I would be really in a good mood :p


eh besok gue ICBC (IslamicCharacterBuildingCenter) loh! buat yang nggak tau itu apaan, please, browsing sendiri, atau silahkan coba ambil brosur sekolah gue. besok gue ke Cibodas&besok Nasu ulang tahun. but I'm not gonna be here for his bday, yaudahlah gak apa-apa toh jg dia nggak mau gue disini HAHA.


hem, social network yg suka gue buka ituuu paling twitter ya kalo facebook sih udah jrg bgt tp seenggaknya setiap hari pasti buka hehe :p
gue punya f.me, tapi nggak begitu sering gue buka, hem jrgjrg plg kalo inget doang. gue nggak terlalu suka sebenernya f.me. why? random njing. nggak jelas. cuma ask-ask gtdoang. dan akhir-akhir ini ada yg suka iseng nanya nggak jelas di f.me gue. dari jenis pertanyaannya sih I guess itu Gustie, atau ex gue, atau ex-geb, atau... atau mungkin semuanya salah dan gue nggak tau itu siapa...


selama ini sih pertanyaannya oke oke aja dan sebagian lagi gue tau itu siapa walaupun namanya di hide. tapi lama-lama it's gettin lame. I mean the questions-_- tadinya gue pikir gak apa-apa toh canda-candaan doang biarin deh namanya di hide paling orang iseng, sampe akhirnya... ada yg bilang ke gue gini:

bisanya ngeask diri sendiri :0
I answred: I'm not askin myself. I'm not a pyscho jgn sotoy deh lo njing


via f.me. well, emang banyak bgt questions yg namanya di hide, dan mungkin itu keliatan kayak gue ya? keliatan kayak gue yg desperate trs nge-ask diri gue sendiri biar eksis. well, honey, pretty, handsome, siapapun elo, apapun elo (mau demit, setan, tuyul, manusia, hewan, iblis, apaan kek!) gue nggak pernah nge-ask diri gue sendiri kecuali, yang ini!

hey gue Litsme gue mau ask diri gue sendiri ah tapi namanya gue hide. kenapa? SOALNYA GUE PSYCHO TERUS GUE SUKA ASK DIRI GUE SENDIRI BIAR EKSIS GITULOOOOH!


nah ini bener gue! I swear it's me HAHAHAHAHAHA


maaf frontal. gue emosi-_-gue lg nggak mood dan dpt questions kayak gitu. dan disusul oleh question lainnya yang...


well, kadang-kadang emang gue suka minta orang nge-ask gue, kayak waktu itu...


L: eh, al, ask formspring gue dong biar rame hehe.
A: yah, gue nggak punya formspring lu.
L: yaelah yaudah nggak papa ask aja gak usah pake nama rame-ramein doang.
A: tanya apaan nih gue?
L: apaan kek! terserah lo deh!


yaaah kayak gitudeh atau pernah juga temen gue yg punya formspring gue minta buat ask gue. tapiiiii gue nggak pernah ask diri gue sendiri yaaaa.


mungkin emg agak lebay karena masalah cuma kayak gini doang gue anggep serius. yaaah tapi juga namanya gue, The Headmaster of Lebay International School (keterangan lebih lanjut silakan tanya gue atau anak kelas 9bp1)


gue tau kalo ada sindir-sindiran di twitter, di facebook. tapi baru tau kalo di formspring ada juga-_-gue mungkin pernah nyindir orang di twitter, biasanya bercanda, atau kalo emang serius gue coba buat nggak frontal. paling kalo frontal nyindir pacar hahaha.


gue bukabuka beberapa formspring orang yg nggak gitu gue kenal dan ada jg beberapa pertanyaan jahat kayak gitu dari orang yg namanya di hide. well, menurut gue terserah sih mereka mau apa, tp yg jelas, kalo emang berani, u'll better show yourself. and please, stop being hater. peaceeee! :)

Like a star

Just share. this is one favorite song of mine. thanks to @jusyafkamel for told me about this song & send me the link of this video. please enjoy! :)

translation :

No matter where you’re hiding in this world

I still can find you
Cause without you
Cause without you
My heart doesn’t beat

Even though the words “I love you” are not to be said
I still can understand it with my heart
With only you
With only you
I don’t need anything else

You’re My Everything To Me
You’re My Everything To Me

I will shine for you brightly like a star in the sky
You’re my only love
Forever my only love
We love each other
Only you is enough for me

Can it be compared to anything else?
Can it be exchanged for anything else?
Your love
Your heart
Can anyone replace?

You’re My Everything To Me
You’re My Everything To Me

I will shine for you brightly like a star in the sky
You’re my only love
Forever my only love
We love each other
Only you is enough for me

There will be no goodbye
So that I won’t hurt you
So that I won’t make you cry

You’re My Everything To Me
You`re My Everything To Me

Let us not change
Even when time goes by
You’re my only love
Forever my only love

We love each other
Us two in the world without sadness

big thanks to: http://din-chan07.blogspot.com for the translation

eksistensi

hey goodnight bloggy, gue lagi try out dan lagi break, dan besok anniv gue yang ke-5 hurray! well, I supposed to be happy, tapi ternyata enggak mengingat berat gue berkurang 2kg selama 4harian. amaze ya. 4hari turun 2kilo. betapa mudahnya berat gue merosot turun dan betapa sulitnya berat gue merangkak naikƪ(‾ε‾)ʃ

hari ini gue try out math sama Bahasa. well, not so bad. dan hari ini gue tetep not in a good mood kalo inget gue masih break. Tomo sama Gustie tadi abis TO sempet nyempetin diri dateng kerumah gue spesial untung ngebantuin gue ngacak-ngacak kamar gue&ikutan jadi anak yang keliatannya-kayak-masa-kecil-kurang-bahagia-padahal-nggak dan ikut sumbangsih dalam nyoret-nyoret kamar gue. abis itu, like what we all can guess, sesi foto-foto. mulai dari pake bb sampe webcam. tapi tidak dengan kamera. karena kameranya nggak tau ada dimana. *sigh, memang, kita anak norak-_-

oh tapi norak-norak gini ternyata gue cukup eksis loh, buktinya aja Bu Widi (guru BK di sekolah gue) baca blog gue loh! (Hello Ma'am!) tadi gue dipanggil terus ditanya-tanyain tentang blog gue gitu.

she said, "Ibu baca blog kamu." and that was explain everything.

yep! buat siapapun yang ngasih link blog gue ke Bu Widi, thankyou so much. atau kalo Bu Widi sendiri yang nemuin blog gue still thankyou so much sudah bela-balain mencari tau haha it means, membantu gue biar tambah eksis.

well, eksistensi actually, nggak begitu berpengaruh menurut gue. but sometimes its just feel good ketika banyak orang yang kenal sama lo dan tau lebih tentang lo. apalagi kalo mereka peduli sama lo.

but sometimes eksistensi can be soooo annoying. ketika lo lagi badmood&pengen sendiri. ketika lo kepengen punya privasi, semua orang nanya lo kenapa. dan yg paling nggak enak adalah, waktu ada orang yang manggil lo tapi lo nggak kenal sama dia. sumpah, itu nggak enak.

tapi karena gue cuma anak cupu&bukan anak eksis jadi gue nggak harus selalu ngerasa begitu haha lucky me-_- tapi gara-gara Bu Widi tadi gue jadi berasa eksis ya. eksis di kalangan BK heuheu.

well, curcol gue enough bloggy. I feel so sleepy. gue masih harus try out besok, &besok gue anniv. wish me luck guys! thankyou J

randomly posting

suatu hari abis gue berantem sama nasu, kita otpan...


gue: yang, kita jangan putus ya?
bayu: iya sayaaaaang. emang kenapa deh yang?
gue: soalnya kalo nanti kita putus, aku mesti ngecet tembok.
bayu. lah? *ngakak*
(info: tembok kamar gue udah gue coret-coret&salah banyak isinya adalah nama dia&tgl jadian. yaaah gitudeh pokoknya. taukan galoers teenager jaman sekarang?)


hahaha ya pokoknya gitudeh. sorry for spamming. I just want to share :p thanks for reading! wakakakakakak.


with ♥ XOXOXO :*

because the only one I want is you...

Nasu berengsek. that's it. kenapa? karena dia nangisin gue. dan ternyata, gue adalah seorang cewek. dan semua cowok pernah nangisin cewek, it means, semua cowok berengsek. kenapa? karena mereka semua pernah nangisin cewek. that's it. gue mohon cowok-cowok jangan marah, soalnya, itu emang kenyataannya.


Nasu bikin gue nangis parah 2 kali. yang pertama dia nggak sengaja (bahkan dia nggak tau kenapa) yg kedua juga nggak sengaja sih, eh tapi nggak tau deh.yaaah pokoknya gitulah.dan kedua kalinya gue nangis parah gara-gara dia adalah; kemaren malem. I can't stop crying till I finally exhausted my tears. pathetic. itu juga gara-gara gue udah nangis dari jam 18.30 sampe 22.00-_-


wanna know why, gue sampe nangis kayak gitu? I lost him. I lost contact with him. gini aja deh, lo nggak bisa ngehubungin pacar lo dari lo bangun tidur, sampe lo tidur lagi. gimana perasaan lo? terakhir kali gue ngelakuin itu, seinget gue besoknya sore-sore waktu gue pulang sekolah gue nemuin sms di hape gue, "Lulu, kita putus aja ya." dan itu bikin gue selalu ketar-ketir tiap kali nggak bisa ngehubungin Bayu abis magrib. dan itu yang kejadian kemaren. well, gue nangis, absolutely. gue nangis tanpa suara. cuma air mata gue deres banget just like a waterfalls. dan selama gue nangis, gue smsin orang-orang, nyoba-nyoba nelfon nggak tau siapa, and I'm still tryin to call him. and the anwer still same.


gue nangis, sampe akhirnya gue decide buat tidur aja, soalnya gue udah capek nangis dan air mata gue juga udah mulai nggak keluar. oya sebelum tidur, gue seka mata gue pake apa aja yang dingin-dingin biar nggak bengkak. dan besok paginya gue berangkat sekolah dengan tampang suntuk dan begitu sampe disekolah gue uring-uringan. waktu gue dateng baru ada dua orang yg dateng di Dhita sama Apis. gue langsung curcol sama Dhita.
gue: aaargh sumpah Bayu berengsek banget ya! astagaaaa.
Dhita: kenapa lu?
gue: dia nggak bisa gue hubungin dari semalem Dhitaaa!
Dhita: Iya Lu? kok bisa?
gue: mana gue tau! semalem gue nangis dari jam 6 sampe jam 10-_-masih ngantuk banget inih. mata gue panas banget.0
Apis: Ah masaaa? boong ah lu boong.
Dhita: iya, gue juga semalem nangis. nih, mata gue sampe bengkak gini.
gue: *ngeliat Dhita* oiya, astaga, kenapa bisa?
Dhita: nggak tau, pengen nangis aja...
gue: ya ampun. kenapa bisa pada nangis gini?
Apis: ah, boong kali lu!
Dhita: BACOT LU PIS!
.....................................
and the conversation continued sampe Desy dateng dan ternyata matanya juga bengkak. ternyata, dia berantem sama Bayu pacarnya dan nangis juga. dari jam 8 malem sampe jam 3 pagi. amaze.


tadinya kalo hari ini gue masih nggak bisa contact Bayu, gue pikir lebih baik kita putus. Tapi Alhamdulillah, I met him this afternoon. dan semuanya berjalan baik-baik aja sampe pas pulang ada masalah yang sebenernya sepele tapi gue jamin 97,5% cewek bakal ngamuk gara-gara itu. sisanya cuma cewek dongo penyendiri sok pengertian yang absurd dan jenis kelaminnya aneh. atauuuu, cewek yang penuh kesabaran baik hati dan amat sangat pengertian dan ada sesuatu yang amat sangat mendesak makanya mau digituin.


dan demi apapun sampe rumah gue langsung otp bayu bilang, "kayaknya kita udah nggak cocok." dan dia cuma bilang, "oh yaudah." semudah itu buat dia. kita sempet berantem di telfon sebelum akhirnya gue berangkat les. itu juga berenti otp gara-gara nyokap ngomel pulsanya gue pake. suck.


oya terus sebelum gue mulai les gue sempet otpan sama Bayu juga. dan disitu, something happened. dia minta gue buat lupain dia. replace him with someone else. someone better. someone who's not gonna hurt me. and he ask me to stop contact him, and finally forget him. I said, "Oke, gue hargain kalo itu mau lo. tapi gue nggak akan cari orang lain. tapi mungkin gue akan coba buat nggak contact lo lagi. tapi gue nggak bisa ganti lo sama orang lain." Bayu nanya, "Kenapa?"


stupid question. gue bilang, "karena yang gue mau itu cuma lo."


well, I might be replace him with someone else. but it's not gonna be the same anymore. gue mungkin bisa aja mau orang lain hari ini. tapi yang bener-bener gue mau cuma dia. yang setiap hari gue mau itu dia. itu lo, Bay. kalo lo minta gue buat ngegantiin lo sama orang lain, gue nggak akan bisa. sekalipun suatu hari nanti gue punya yang lain, dia nggak akan ada di posisi yang sama kayak lo. he's gonna be in the different position. and I want you to undrestand that. gue nggak akan milih orang lain buat gantiin posisi lo. karena tempat itu cuma milik lo. ngerti?


p.s: sorry for this random posting. gue cuma mau ngeluarin unek-unek aja haha but thankyou for read this. u dont have to read this if u dont want to. lagian ini juga cuma spamming kok. but for whoever who want to read this, thankyousomuch. semga spamming-posting gue ini ada manfaatnya ya haha ;)